December 27, 2009

Since the dawn of self-reflection, I have been an inert gas,
Other atoms’ interactions mocking me, as I flew past.
Every time I saw two bonding, I would quickly look away,
My full outer shell reminding, solitude is here to stay.

Looking at those lucky ions, never did I see the facts,
Never did I grasp the science, one who gives, and one who takes.
Can the atoms both be merry if their dipole is so charged?
Or do their nuclei carry hearts that shattered into shards?

I have circled a few atoms, now that I can speak their tongue:
Those with brains looked unimpressive; those with good looks sounded dumb.
Those with both were cold and distant, their electrons long since shared,
Atoms much stronger than this one waiting for their chance with her.

Now you beckon me with riddles, and all of this is so new —
Our polarity is brittle, and I don’t know what to do.
But regardless of what happens, Heisenberg remains unkind:
One of two forever present: thirst of flesh, and thirst of mind.

People are Mirrors

May 16, 2008

I always thought that I was independent and that other people could affect me if and only if I allowed them to. But lately I’ve been wondering if my assumptions were correct. This article is the result of my observations and my lazy reluctance to look up scientific facts.

I am beginning to think that people’s influence on one another manifests itself daily, and that it does not rely on any previously established relationships between individuals. Instead, it works on a much lower level, one that often eludes consciousness entirely.

Here is a couple of examples:

  1. If I see a girl with wide eyes, narrow eyes, or a “stuck” expression on her face, such as of surprise, I automatically attempt to paste the same expression on my face. This is not at all related to any feeling of attraction I might experience, on the contrary, the reaction is stronger when the combination of features is rather repulsive. It is probably not limited to girls, but I guess that shows where my attention is
  2. If I listen to my math teacher yelling for five minutes, I get angry myself and I feel the acid rising in my stomach. This happens in spite of my efforts to take things lightly, stay uninvolved, and try to laugh it all off.
  3. It’s difficult to keep a neutral expression when I see a wide smile on a face that is full of light. It’s strange. But it’s still difficult to be the first one to smile
  4. After a certain time spent with a person, even if I happen to dislike them, I begin to mirror their accent and manner of speech. This is especially obvious to me when I stress the ‘r’, or utter expressions that I never thought I’d willfully use.

All this is intriguing, since I don’t normally want to mirror anybody. Perhaps it is an automated mechanism to aid in communication, but it’s pretty scary that it happens without my conscious consent. Where’s the on/off switch dammit?! It makes me ask myself who I really am.

On a lighter note, Copycat by The Cranberries just came on shuffle. How appropriate!

Copycat, copycat, copycat
Copy copy copy copy yourself
Copycat, copycat, copycat
Copy copy copy everyone else

Just Listen

March 9, 2008

Don’t think, or judge, just listen.

I’m still not sure what to make of Sarah Dessen’s latest book. I definitely enjoyed the unlikely combination of music, modeling, radio, personal secrets and… bacon! that the novel presents. The story was pretty amazing as well, with the exception of the ending, which I feel had too many good things concentrated. And I can relate to the wanting-to-quit-but-not-doing-it-as-it-would-disappoint-others state of mind. But like so many other times, I feel that here is an important lesson for me and I’m not getting it.

Read the rest of this entry »

What Title?

February 14, 2008

Here are some categories of people, and what they do on this [non]special day:

  • Those who hate it philosophically.
    They are the same people who refuse to celebrate New Year because it’s “just another night.”

    • It’s just a day like any other. It’s not special. Why should I show more love today than I usually do?
    • If today is more than yesterday, I’ll regret it tomorrow when everything gets back to normal.
  • Those who hate it personally.
    • bitterly
      as in sour grapes.

      • “Everybody hates me.”
      • VD stands not only for Valentine’s Day but also for Venereal Disease.
      • “Relax, it will only get worse.”
    • sadly
      • “Why do I miss someone I never met?” (Nightwish — Cadence of Her Last Breath)
      • System Of A Down — Lonely Day
      • Try to immerse themselves in any activity just to take their minds off their loneliness.
      • Breathe over cold glass to fog it and then draw a heart shape.
      • Stare at the 56% full moon.
    • secretly
      • Big fake smile.
      • “Of course I love this day.”
      • “Yeah but will you love me as much tomorrow?”
  • Those who enjoy it consciously.
    I.e. taking into account all that the philosophical haters know.

    • “OK, so this is a day just like any other. But since everyone else is having fun, why shouldn’t I?”
    • “Tomorrow doesn’t have to be less than today.”
  • Those who enjoy it in blissful ignorance.
    • “Philosophy? Cut the crap.”
    • “I love you today more than any other day.”
    • Brag to others about their superior status.
    • “OMG!! presents!!1!”

I’ll keep adding to this list as I figure out more stuff ;)